The art of blurring. to exist between spaces never whole, never vacant.
it’s not ideal to exist without purpose but to exist among and midst all the commotion is gutting to wake up each day hoping a purpose will be secured in your heart before you get to see the sun again but waking up each day with the same dazing empty human feeling that faded away while you slept you simply can not exist hoping things will find you on your own to be human is to search, to find, to look, to think, to think and look. So no everyday I wake up and clench for my chest to feel my heart it is not heavier by the weight of meaning or a force to drive me forward in this life it is simply just heavy in order to lift off that weight you have to find your purpose it’s not easy existing between spaces to exist without cause or hope to exist neither half full nor half empty to never know if you belong where you are to know exactly what it feels like to belong somewhere or maybe you’re not letting yourself belong anywhere to have no surety of where you belong but truth is you have to make your own space to wake up with more questions each day it’s not easy to exist between spaces between hope and despondence between grief and joy between love and hate to exist between death and life to impetuously make decisions that nor impact your life in a good way or a bad none that you acknowledge anyway, to take steps just to keep the wheel moving to keep yourself in this torturous circle of life because your existence can not stop things from happening your existence is to feel the music life is an impermanence what is done can not be undone if you get caught up in the past you are unable to focus on your presents which impacts your future there is a lot we can’t control but we must focus on what we can, even if the line blurs along the way even if it blends leaving you horrified and conflicted, in a state of ambivalence hold on to something, anything. It is not easy but you are seen, your pain is felt in a similar human way. You are here to understand yourself before understanding anyone else, maybe that is solely your purpose.
Something off my notes app not much thought was put into it but I’m hoping to write everyday please be kind thank you for reading :)